


this is how we wait

by warmesthue



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-13 16:23:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21497035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warmesthue/pseuds/warmesthue
Summary: Jinyoung and Jaebeom spend years trying to figure it out.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 16
Kudos: 97





	this is how we wait

2014

“I told you. I’ll always come back for you, no matter what.” Jaebeom told Jinyoung, as they were tangled in an embrace, in the middle of a crowd, just before they were about to part ways.

“I know. It’s just.. difficult.” Jinyoung said, trying to stifle a sob, trying so hard to smile.

Jaebeom didn’t say anything anymore. He just touched Jinyoung’s cheek, smiled softly and turned to go. Jinyoung did too and he went on his way. He wanted so bad to look back, to steal a few more moments but he knew he already lost Jaebeom in the crowd. It was better this way they agreed, instead of seeing him off in the airport. At least with this, they can pretend it’s just any other day or that’s what they wanted to believe.

It wasn’t that Jinyoung wasn’t happy for Jaebeom taking that post-graduate scholarship in Europe. He knows Jaebeom worked hard for it, he was with him through the process of it all. It was just so much work, trying to ignore a distance that spans mountains and seas. The hardest part that Jinyoung didn’t want to acknowledge or admit to himself is that he doesn’t even know what they had. He just knows he had nothing to hold onto except Jaebeom’s words.

So he made his way home. Texting Jaebeom instantly when he arrived. It was a reflex action at this point. It was natural. It was muscle memory.

Jinyoung: _I’m home._

He knew he didn’t have to wait long for a response.

Jaebeom: _Good. Me too. I’ll miss you. I wish I could’ve hugged you tighter._

Jinyoung: _I’ll miss you too. _

The next day, Jinyoung woke up with a headache, from crying too much after rewatching Happy Together for the nth time. He checked his phone which had a few unread messages from Jaebeom.

_I’m at the airport.; I guess you’re still asleep.; I’ll text you first thing when I land. _

Jinyoung was dreading the first year in university that he wouldn’t have Jaebeom on call, that he wouldn’t have the person he considered his bestfriend ready to say yes to any of his whims.

2012

Jinyoung was waiting for Jaebeom in the library. They planned to study for the finals together. Well, they were in different programs but it was something they always did. Just to make sure to have time for each other despite the hecticness of exam week.

“I’m sorry I’m late. Had to pick something up.” Jaebeom was sweaty as he approached Jinyoung’s table.

“You’re always late.” Jinyoung teased, knowing Jaebeom knows he could get away with anything.

After “studying” for a measly two hours, they figured they should just head home. They were too tired and trying too hard to get stuff into their brains would just be unproductive.

“Do you wanna go to my apartment instead? I’ll cook us dinner.” Jaebeom asked, knowing Jinyoung wouldn’t be able to say no.

When they arrived, Jinyoung immediately sank onto Jaebeom’s couch. Ever since they became close, Jaebeom always let Jinyoung crash in his space. Jinyoung can’t remember the amount of drunken nights they had, waking up on Jaebeom’s tiny bed, hungover, both swearing to never drink again but of course in just two weeks, they would be at it again.

“I wish I had a spare room so you could just move in with me.” Jaebeom said quietly, almost in a whisper, just as he sat next to him.

“Won’t you get tired of me?” Jinyoung teased.

“I would but then I’d just lock myself up in my room until I’m not tired of you anymore.” Jaebeom’s smile was blinding and it was in these small moments, particularly when he caught Jaebeom in between a smile and a laugh that he thought maybe he wanted something more. But Jinyoung just returned the smile, scooted closer to Jaebeom and leaned his head on his shoulder.

“This is nice.” Jinyoung said, thinking out loud.

“What is?”

“This.”

Before Jaebeom could even reply or react, he was already dozing off, his head on Jinyoung’s. Jinyoung smiled to himself, repeating in his head, again and again, _this is nice. _

\---

Jinyoung’s not sure when coming in contact with Jaebeom’s skin started to feel like electricity. When prolonged eye contact started to make something in his gut flutter, he argued it was just indigestion but of course, it wasn’t just that.

“You’re spacing out again.” Jaebeom snapped his fingers in front of Jinyoung’s face.

They were having dinner at the café that served as halfway from both their apartments. They went here when they didn’t have enough time to spend at each other’s places.

“Just thinking.” Jinyoung said.

“About?”

“None of your business.” Jinyoung rolled his eyes but smiled immediately afterwards when he saw worry suddenly flash on Jaebeom’s face.

“You can tell me everything, Nyoungie.” Jaebeom reached out to put his hand over Jinyoung’s, Jinyoung always flinching at the sudden contact.

“I know.” Jinyoung smiled, thinking that he wished he actually could say something, could tell Jaebeom about how every time they walked and their hands touched briefly, he swears he could feel something. But he was scared. He knew he can’t tell him everything, not yet.

2015

Jinyoung can’t remember when the calls stopped coming, when the messages got fewer and fewer. At first, days would pass without anything, and then weeks. It was excruciating for him. He wanted to give Jaebeom time and space, knowing fully well that they really didn’t promise each other anything. Jaebeom just said he’ll come back for him and maybe it didn’t have to mean anything other than that.

He busied himself with work. Having just graduated, a year after Jaebeom did, he knew he should take advantage of this fresh energy. The research center he was currently working for made that easier for him. He tried looking for postgraduate programs. He tried focusing on his career. And he was good at it. He didn’t want to have time for dating. He still went out with friends but he knew he just didn’t want to admit that he was still waiting for Jaebeom, like a corner table in a restaurant with a “reserved” sign.

“Why don’t you just tell him you’re in love with him?” Jackson asked him, on one of their night outs with old friends.

“Yeah, it’s not like you weren’t obvious.” Youngjae chimed in.

“Stop. Please. We barely talk anymore so it really doesn’t matter now.” Jinyoung said, exasperated, exhausted, and more.

“You just have to tell him. It’s not like it’s completely unreciprocated. He’s different with you than with us so maybe that’s something.” Jackson said while downing his third bottle of beer.

“Then if that’s true, maybe he would reach out, maybe he would try harder.” Jinyoung said, dejectedly, ready to steer the conversation into any other topic.

That night, Jinyoung kept replaying in his head a phone conversation they had from almost a year ago. Just two months after Jaebeom left. It was quick, no longer than five minutes. Jaebeom told Jinyoung that he was excited. The university was good, the city was good, he was adjusting well but that he wished Jinyoung was there. Jinyoung wanted to hear those words again, that Jaebeom wanted him there, actual proof that he was missing him. So it was a big surprise when his phone lit up on his bedside, the screen bearing Jaebeom’s name.

Jaebeom: _Thought about you. _

Attached to the message was a photo of a cinema where the new Xavier Dolan film was showing. It was something they shared and Jinyoung knew, it was something only they could understand. Jinyoung, suddenly out of breath, didn’t know what to respond with. Of all possible messages, why this one? Of all possible reminders, why did he choose this one?

Jinyoung waited for a few minutes before replying and he didn’t realize his hand was shaking when he finally typed in his reply, which he thought about longer than he should have.

Jinyoung: _Was it any good? _

Jaebeom: _Better if we watched it together. _

Jinyoung: _I’ll watch it once it comes out here. _

Jinyoung tried applying for scholarships abroad too. He wanted to wait after graduation because wanted to explore the different options and ever since he lost frequent contact with Jaebeom, he didn’t feel as motivated. he did the same as what Jaebeom did but what he got were only rejections. He moped about it for a while but got over it eventually. He applied for the master’s program in the same university he attended for his undergraduate degree and easily got in. This would do for now, he thought, progress is still progress.

2011

“Are you lost?” Someone was saying, snapping Jinyoung out of a daze. When he looked at the guy who was talking, he almost went into another daze. He was… attractive. And not in a usual way. He kinda looked mean, Jinyoung thought, but his gaze felt warm.

“Uh.. no. I’m just spacing out, I’m sorry.” Jinyoung said before he could stop himself.

“A freshman? I’m Jaebeom by the way, a sophomore, I’m taking up film.” Jaebeom reached out his hand to Jinyoung for a handshake.

“Yes, I’m taking media studies. My name’s Jinyoung. Nice to meet you.” Jinyoung smiled, trying hard not to stare

“Oh do you have class? Mine’s in the comm building.”

“Oh yeah, I’m heading there too.”

And so they walked together. Jinyoung feeling awkward as Jaebeom tried to do some small talk. It wasn’t hard. Jaebeom felt welcoming enough and it wasn’t difficult for Jinyoung to reply, to respond, to wait for what Jaebeom had to say next so much so that he didn’t notice they were already in front of Jinyoung’s classroom, Jaebeom telling him his class was farther down the hall and that he hoped he’d see Jinyoung later, hang out or whatever.

\---

“Jinyoungie, try to listen to me. Does this line make sense? _Dolan attempts to turn the personal into the impersonal by looking inward, by framing in a way as if the audience is intruding.” _

“It would if you can elaborate it. And why are you asking me? I’m not even a film major.” Jinyoung pretended to be annoyed but he was just teasing. He enjoyed Jaebeom like this, looking desperate, needing his help and being confident enough that Jinyoung could actually help him.

“But you’re good with theories. You’re a good a writer. You’re too smart.” Jaebeom said, looking intently at Jinyoung.

Jinyoung could only smile, knowing that despite knowing Jaebeom for only half a year now, he knew they already had a deep bond. Something he expects to just grow throughout the years.

2016

Mark was different from Jaebeom. Not that Jinyoung wanted to compare. Mark felt safe and everything seemed to be easy whereas with Jaebeom, it was difficult, he had to second-guess, he had to doubt. Nothing was sure except his feelings and realizing it now made sense why it wouldn’t work out. It’s been two years since Jaebeom left for his post-grad studies and Jinyoung has barely heard from him the past 8 months. And he was used to it. Twice, an _I miss you_ message randomly popped up on Jinyoung’s phone and suddenly a flurry of nostalgia washed over him momentarily but he wanted to believe that he wasn’t hoping for anything anymore. Twice, he didn’t reply. Not that he didn’t want to but he just felt like no words would be enough to capture what he wants to say. But that didn’t stop Jinyoung from lurking on Jaebeom’s social media accounts from time to time expecting to see a girlfriend, boyfriend or any semblance of a relationship but Jaebeom kept quiet there too. Maybe it was unfair to still be keeping tabs on him, now that he himself was with someone but Jinyoung kept justifying it in his head that it was because at the end of the day, Jaebeom was his best friend and he would always have a place in his heart, no matter what.

“Jinyoung. You’re in a trance again. I was asking what movie you’d like.” It was Mark, beside him in the couch of Mark’s apartment.

“Oh, you choose. I can’t think of anything.” Jinyoung said timidly, not wanting Mark to notice Jaebeom was haunting his thoughts again. 

Mark just nodded. Jinyoung felt guilt bubbling up in his gut. He didn’t want to think he still have that spot reserved for Jaebeom but maybe it’s just one of those spots that will never go away, even if it meant less than what it did before. It was in these moments, when Jinyoung was being plagued with thoughts of Jaebeom that he would move closer to Mark, in the physical sense, as a way of trying to bridge the spaces and distances where traces of Jaebeom could still be residing. He believed that if he closed in and ignored all the gaps that were still there, maybe he would eventually forget the things he should. And so he went for it, grabbing Mark by his shirt and pulling him in, crashing his mouth onto his, gently at first but then with a sense of hunger.

“What are you doing?” Mark panted into his lips.

“I don’t think I want to watch a movie anymore.” Jinyoung sighed, continuing the kiss, moving to straddle Mark on the couch.

“Okay, well, this is better.” Mark whispered in between little moans as Jinyoung made sure no spaces will be left untouched that night.

\---

Jinyoung met Mark at an academic conference. Yes, kinda nerdy, he knows that. They were both presenters and after Jinyoung’s panel which Mark apparently attended out of genuine interest and curiousity, they exchanged emails, and then numbers and everything else came easy afterwards. What started as exchanges of conference papers turned into coffee dates and eventually even more. Jinyoung was happy and he liked it.

The relationship moved smoothly because mostly, Jinyoung knew it was convenient. Him and Mark were in the same fields. Conversations weren’t difficult. Their partnership was built on common interests and in arguments, although there were so few, they knew they were always in the same context. This is why while they were growing together smoothly, they didn’t notice when it stopped and suddenly, they were just growing apart.

The thing about getting used to someone so easily, Jinyoung thought, is that you easily memorize everything, even their flaws, that everything becomes repetitive. You do things out of habit. But then he realized, he also got easily used to Jaebeom but it wasn’t like this. Maybe that’s it, Jaebeom would always be different or maybe because he would never get as close to Jaebeom more than he already was.

2013

In the three years Jinyoung has known Jaebeom, both of them had their fair share of dating experiences, with both girls and boys, hook ups here and there but nothing really serious. He didn’t know why but maybe they weren’t really ready for anything. But for Jinyoung, he knew it was different because despite being afraid to admit it, he knows he already had someone in mind. So when Jaebeom called him up one night asking him to go out for drinks, he didn’t know it’d be because of a heartbreak, a heartbreak he wasn’t kept up to date with.

Jinyoung saw Jaebeom by the bar of the place they always frequented and even just at the doorway, Jinyoung knew it was bad.

“So, care to update me with what you’ve been keeping from me?”

“I called you because I wanted to drink, not because I wanted to talk about it.”

Jinyoung did get bits and pieces of what was troubling Jaebeom despite the latter choosing to be tight-lipped about it. It was a girl he had a class with who he went out with a couple of times. Jinyoung knew Jaebeom was not one to dwell on his hook-ups but maybe this was different and he can’t help but feel a punch to his gut. But he just listened and told Jaebeom what he wanted to hear. He was patient. He knew with Jaebeom, he would always be.

\---

“Do you ever think we’ll find people we’d actually be willing to be with, for the long term?” Jaebeom was saying, his feet tangled with Jinyoung’s on the former’s bed, having just woken up from another all-nighter.. of drinking.

“Is this your hangover talking?” Jinyoung replied, feeling his head throbbing from all the shots he had that he definitely regrets now.

“No, I’m just thinking. Sometimes I want to actually be with someone but when I imagine myself being with someone, I get scared.” Jaebeom looked serious, now looking at Jinyoung as Jinyoung just stared at the ceiling.

“Maybe you wouldn’t be scared if it’s the right person.” Jinyoung said quietly, putting his hand over Jaebeom’s, gingerly, afraid he might strike a nerve but, in his head, he was going for it. It was his way of silently praying to the wind that this was enough to let Jaebeom know that for Jinyoung, he was the right person. He can’t remember when but he just knew. Jinyoung felt electricity shoot up his arm when Jaebeom interlaced his fingers with his and when he turned his head to look at him, he saw a softness in Jaebeom’s gaze he hasn’t seen before. They stay like that for a few more minutes and for Jinyoung, that was enough, in that moment, it was enough.

\---

Jinyoung felt the most comfortable with Jaebeom when they talked about their plans after graduating. They both wanted to continue studying but they wanted to do it abroad. They were competitive and it was nice. Despite having drinking marathons every other weekend and procrastinating more than they should with schoolwork, they knew they were on the right track and they owe it to each other.

“Do you think I can apply to Erasmus or even Chevening? I prefer European universities when it comes to film studies, I’ve researched.” Jaebeom was talking to Jinyoung. They were a semester away from Jaebeom’s graduation and they were already both so eager to find what’s next for him.

“The secret are strong recommendations, as far as my research goes. You can do it, and I’ll help write your application letter.” It was no secret that Jinyoung was the better writer among the two of them and he was always happy to help Jaebeom.

“And then maybe you can apply next year too! You’ve been eyeing that Cultural Studies program in Brighton right? If we both get to Europe, we won’t miss each other as much.” Jaebeom said excitedly and Jinyoung was excited too because of the fact Jaebeom saw a future being in contact with him. But what are the odds, he thought, that they’d end up both getting scholarships, in the same country or even just the same continent. It was not easy but thinking about the possibilities made Jinyoung feel warm. He wanted to be invincible so that all these possibilities would not remain as possibilities.

2017

“It didn’t work out with Mark.” Jinyoung told Jackson over the phone, casually. He expected it to hurt more than it did.

“Well did you expect it to?” Jackson said, as if already expecting this, well to be honest, it wasn’t like they were running to be elected as best couple on earth.

“No, but we had a good run. We were together for almost a year.”

“Are you still waiting?”

“What? Waiting for what?”

“Don’t act dumb Jinyoung. You know he’s going home soon.”

“Do you talk to him?”

“I just know.” Jackson said with a sigh, and not wanting any further elaboration, Jinyoung just hung up.

Jaebeom was supposed to finish his program after three years. And that three years is coming to an end. Three years since Jinyoung last saw Jaebeom. Three years since they last had a decent conversation with each other. Jinyoung wasn’t sure if he was ready. It’s been too long. He’s been worn out and at this point, he’s not even sure if the feelings he harbored for so long are still there. At this point, he wanted to convince myself that maybe they’re just dead stars, that the light he’s been clinging to has already died although it still seems so bright. 

In April, Jaebeom finally graduated. He posted on Facebook a simple photo of him wearing his university’s academic dress as he held his diploma. Jinyoung didn’t know if his parents came or if he was alone but deep inside, he wished he could be there. Just like three years ago, when they were still in the same university, in the same city. Jinyoung sent a simple message to Jaebeom: _Congratulations. See you when you’re back. _He didn’t expect a reply.

\---

The week before Jaebeom was supposed to go home, Jinyoung received an email he’s been anticipating for months now, a few hours after getting Jaebeom’s message informing him of his trip home. It was an acceptance notification for a job abroad. It was a researcher post for a research institute based in New York. It was a one-year engagement but it meant that while Jaebeom would be finally home, he would be away. He didn’t even know if Jaebeom would be back for good but for once, he wanted to think more about himself. Despite also harboring a bit of envy for Jaebeom easily getting a scholarship while he only had rejection letter after rejection letter, Jinyoung wanted to bask in this success. Maybe it was good for Jinyoung to leave this time, so that he could finally admit to himself that if Jaebeom didn’t do anything at all, after all these years, maybe it was just a lost cause.

Jaebeom had been back home for two weeks before Jinyoung decided it was time to see him, that he was ready for whatever. Jinyoung realized he’d been waiting and waiting that it felt like human nature to him at this point. Now, he wasn’t sure anymore what he was waiting for. That’s why he found himself shaking all over when he stood at the doorway of the place they once called their halfway. _Old habits die hard_, Jaebeom had texted him when he asked Jinyoung if they could catch up there.

Jaebeom stood up when he saw Jinyoung approaching the corner spot, it was their favorite spot. Jinyoung can’t help but feel like it was still five years ago but no, everything’s different, Jaebeom was different. He seemed broader, he dressed differently, his hair was longer but Jinyoung knew he looked better because finally, after three long years, Jaebeom was in front of him again.

“Hi.” Jaebeom said, almost breathless.

“Hi.” Jinyoung was trying to hide his nervousness.

“I’m sorry—I missed you.” Jaebeom was tense and did nothing to hide it.

Jinyoung wasn’t sure if Jaebeom wanted to reach out for a hug or any other kind of contact but Jinyoung chose to just nod and sit down. He wasn’t ready to reach out and close any distance yet. It’s been years and he needed to tread lightly, slowly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for us to lose touch.”

“So, was leaving me on read so many times before I just stopped trying incidental too?” Jinyoung couldn’t hold it in anymore. He thought he could be gentle.

“No, I’m sorry. I couldn’t explain it. I was confused. I didn’t understand what I felt. But I’m back now, I could try understanding what it means, for me, for us.” Here it was, Jinyoung thought, maybe there was something. A tiny flicker of hope lit up inside him but he didn’t want to mind it.

“It’s just.. It’s been so long Jaebeom. I don’t know if you’re still the same person who left, who said he’ll always come back for me. I’ve tried forgetting about you, I’ve tried convincing myself I didn’t feel anything other than platonic feelings for you but it just feels like I keep waiting and waiting for you.

“I know. I’ve felt it too, you know. I just didn’t know what to make out of it.” Jaebeom’s eyes were pleading.

“For three years I’ve just been second guessing everything while you were gone because you didn’t give me anything to hold onto. I tried seeing people, I tried burying myself in work, but I seem to just end up waiting for you, whether I like it or not. But I couldn’t anymore.” Jinyoung was on the verge of tears now although it felt refreshing, to be able to say this all, to finally put out what he felt in the open, in front of the person who needed to know it.

“What do you mean? I’m here now. We can catch up, make up for lost time. Start over, or whatever you want Jinyoung.”

A pause. Jinyoung sighed and thought he might as well put all of his cards out.

“I’m leaving Jaebeom, for a year, I took a job abroad. I need to move forward too and this is for me.”

“When?”

“In a month. All my documents are set.”

Another pause. Deep breaths. Unmet glances.

“I’m happy for you, Jinyoung, seriously. You deserve it.”

“We can still catch up, though. A month is a long time if we’ve gone three years without much.” Jinyoung was smiling now, meeting Jaebeom’s eyes.

“I could still make you watch my thesis film. I’m kinda proud of it.”

Jinyoung didn’t expect that it would be too easy for him to open himself to Jaebeom again. They spend a couple of hours more in the café until they noticed they were the only ones left. Jinyoung laughed to himself thinking that maybe he’s back in time, maybe Jaebeom hasn’t left yet, maybe he isn’t leaving yet and maybe they can start as early as now. But then, Jaebeom’s gesturing for him to go, leaving a few bills on the table, waking him up in another daze.

“Do you have a new apartment?” Jaebeom asked as they stood in front of the café.

“Yeah, a little farther, but I go the same way. You?”

“I got a new one, it’s near your old one actually.”

“Walk together?”

Jaebeom nodded, smiling wide, the kind that reached his eyes. It was still Jinyoung’s favourite smile. And maybe after everything that’s been said, he didn’t want to throw caution to the wind anymore. He wanted a full-on collision, even before he left, he wanted the universe to give him at least that. And so he deliberately let his hand touch Jaebeom’s, and the next thing he knew, their fingers were interlaced. He looked at Jaebeom who was grinning hard, looking kind of shy. Jinyoung wanted to laugh at Jaebeom, almost forgetting how long he waited to get here, to see Jaebeom holding his hand and smiling like an idiot.

“This is my new place.” Jaebeom gestured to the apartment building they were now standing in front of.

“Mine’s about two blocks farther.” Jinyoung said, clasping Jaebeom’s hand tighter.

“Why don’t you come up to mine?”

“Yes. That’s fine.”

“Is this us? Is this really us?” Jaebeom was asking at 8 in the morning, as Jinyoung groaned, thinking that it’s still too early to be bothered, even by Jaebeom, on a Saturday. They were both naked under the covers, skin against skin, limbs strewn all over each other. The bed was an upgrade from Jaebeom’s uni days but the apartment was still almost bare. Jaebeom just having moved in two weeks ago didn’t find time to buy furniture yet but Jinyoung felt warm knowing they were enclosed in the corners of the same room again, and it was different this time.

“It took you three years to realize and that’s all you can say.” Jinyoung teased, still unbelieving of everything that happened.

“Maybe I needed to be away to realize.”

“But I’m still leaving, Jaebeom.”

A long silence.

“I know. I still have a month with you. I’ll make the most out of it, I promise. I came back for you.” Jaebeom said, nuzzling his head on the crook of Jinyoung’s neck.

\---

Jinyoung wanted to feel that it was as if Jaebeom never left. Three years was a long time. There were a lot of spaces they needed to fill and they tried, spending nights together just talking and talking. They also spent a lot of time in bed, memorizing each other’s nooks and crannies, every inch of each other, whispering to each other’s skin, that yes, at last, they can finally do this.

But Jinyoung still needed to leave. It was a fact that hung in the air. Jaebeom understood that Jinyoung couldn’t just drop everything for him. They were proper adults now with plans to further themselves and there was no place for whims anymore.

2018

It’s been three months since Jinyoung left. Three months since Jaebeom saw him off at the airport. They wanted it to be different that time. They didn’t want to make promises because they knew it would just get the better of them and so they decided to wait it out. See what happens when Jinyoung’s back. The difference now is, they’re both waiting. They’re on the same page.

New York was nice. The job was good for Jinyoung, it was challenging but it opened him up to the many things he was capable of. He made friends, he basked in the newness of everything, the difference of everything from home. The absence of everyone he knew. It was like he was an entirely new person but still the same, which he was reminded of whenever he would find himself spacing out, with only Jaebeom in his mind.

They constantly exchanged messages, keeping up to date what each other did, from the trivial to the big ones. Jaebeom got himself a teaching post at the uni they both attended while also trying to work on films on the side. They were proud of each other of how far they’ve come. A year wasn’t that long Jaebeom said, knowing how they went more years without knowing where they’ll go.

\---

Ten months. A call. Jaebeom picked up immediately.

“My contract is ending soon.”

“I know. You’ll come home soon.” Jaebeom said, Jinyoung could practically hear him smiling through the phone.

“They want me to stay longer. They want me to get into a residency so I can work for them longer, and maybe for the long-term eventually. They talked about me moving for good here, if I can.”

The other line was quiet.

“That’s g-good, Jinyoung. You worked hard for this. You deserve all this.”

“About us..” Jinyoung trailed off, he can hear Jaebeom breathing hard. He haven’t heard Jaebeom cry ever, in the years he has known him but he swears he was hearing stifled sobs.

“We’ll figure it out, Jinyoung. It’ll take time but maybe we can. I hope we can.”

2019

Jinyoung ended his one-year contract and signed up for another, an indefinite one. Which meant he still doesn’t know when he can go home but he was assured that after his documents were processed, he could take a vacation. They liked him there and he liked it there too. He was proud of himself. And although he still thought about Jaebeom, he was starting to think that maybe missing out on each other too much meant it just wasn’t right. Maybe the month they had in between Jaebeom’s return and Jinyoung’s departure when they were able to confront their feelings for each other was all they could have.

\---

Without realizing, it was fall again. Jinyoung decided to just put off going home for a few months more, he was already closing in on his second year in the job, in New York. He was getting used to the city more and more and he liked it there. He felt like he could be himself there. Despite missing his friends feeling left out and what they were doing back home, he still knew he belonged here and deep inside, if it would all still work out, maybe he and Jaebeom could still find their way to each other. Maybe in the years to come. Or maybe not. Maybe in the next lifetime, then. He knew he still held onto whatever they have, still keeping that reserved sign, still keeping a spot for him. They didn’t make any concrete promises to each other but Jinyoung wasn’t interested in looking for someone… or someone else. He wasn’t waiting, either. He just wanted to give himself time, or that was what he wanted to tell himself.

\---

Jinyoung was on the way home from work when he got a call from Jaebeom. The first in weeks. It was almost the holidays. He would spend it alone, the second time here but he was fine with it.

“Hi. Where are you?” Jaebeom’s voice still made him feel something fluttering in his gut, after all these years, both together and apart.

“I’m almost home, it’s 7 in the evening here. Why’d you call?”

“Well, I’ve been standing in front of your apartment complex for an hour now and was wondering when you’d finally come home.”

Jinyoung almost dropped his phone. He was a few meters away from his apartment and Jaebeom was really there, wearing so many layers but still shivering, looking at him, smiling the widest smile he’d ever seen. This must be a fever dream, he thought. This can’t be real. But Jaebeom was real and he was there.

“How did you get here? Why are you here, how do you even know my address?” Jinyoung was out of breath but was only cut off when Jaebeom’s lips crashed into his. Not minding that they were still in the middle of the street, in the damp coldness of New York.

“I told you we’ll figure it out, one way or another.” Jaebeom’s hands were around his waist now and all he could do was surrender to his touch, to bury his head on Jaebeom’s shoulder. To drink it all in. To hold onto Jaebeom so tight because he was afraid he might suddenly disappear.

“I’m here, Jinyoung, I’m here. I always was.”

“I know. I always knew.”

And as Jinyoung led Jaebeom upstairs to his apartment, no questions were asked because he knew, finally—he was sure, that they can definitely figure this one out.

**Author's Note:**

> If you read through all of this mess, I am nothing but grateful. I was supposed to make it sad but I can't help but just root for them. Tell me what you think in the comments! Thank you to @wangsjiaer for going through this with me, I have nothing but love for you, please read her works!


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